It's a sign, it's a sign, and it's mine.

So. I got a tattoo.

When I posted on Emily's Facebook wall about how we should find time for me to go get a tattoo, suddenly people from both high school AND college were commenting saying, "WHAT?!" (I'm one of the first of my good friends to get a tattoo, I think.) I actually started considering this earlier this summer, and meant to get it done in Asheville, but schedules never really lined up well for that to happen. I got it done in VA because I figured I could get safer for cheaper than in New York City.

It's a small, basic Celtic cross, on the front of my left shoulder. (NOT on my back, shoulder-blade area, but on the front of my body, chest area.) I like this location because it's easy to cover up, but also easy to show. Tattoo versitility. It cost me $80 at River City Tattoo, and yes, it hurt. Of course, I was able to go in there with the confidence that I had survived passing a kidney stone and in no way would it be worse than that. It was a much different pain, but it only took about 15 minutes of actual needlework, and at the end, I had a tattoo. Unlike several hours of agony that resulted in... nothing. Though, true to form, Emily did not know when the artist actually touched the needle to my skin, because I never flinched. Or made a sound. I'd occasionally dance with my feet to keep her entertained.

First of all, I'm not planning on being an actor. If I was planning to pursue acting as a career, I would not have gotten a tattoo, because if your tattoo is going to interfere with a role you're up for, you very well might not be hired because of the trouble it takes to cover tattoos. Rough, but real - especially in New York, where the competition is just as good as you and doesn't have a tattoo.

I have never considered a tattoo before because of its permanence. I have often used my body as my own canvas, sometimes out of depression when I want to self-mutilate but work to channel the energy into something creative... other times out of boredom. It is not a rare sight to see me with my arms highly decorated or my neck painted. (On December 15th, 2006, as I went anxiously through the school day waiting to go get my letter from NYU, I wrote the entire Dies Irae... IN LATIN... on my arm. Yes. I'm that cool.) I went through this period last semester where all artistic expression seemed incomplete, that it would never be enough to express what I had to say, and I painted on myself and would often change it and would say that I could never get a tattoo because once there, it wouldn't express what I wanted it to express. It's the idea that once you articulate something, it kills the thing you're trying to articulate. So I was as surprised as anyone when I found myself considering a tattoo.

However, as my faith has evolved this summer, I've been working to turn my life into one of discipline and commitment. And that's how the idea of a tattoo started to sneak into my head... as a sign of that commitment. I like physical representations of things. (The designer in me, I guess.) Furthermore, I've noticed that whenever I wear a cross necklace, I'm acutely aware of the fact that I represent the cross with my actions. Like they tell school students on field trips, "You're representing our school," I, when I wear the cross, represent Christianity. It holds me up to a certain standard, to represent my faith well.

The tattoo is a represents a commitment to live my faith at all times, to take the responsibility to represent Christianity. Being "marked" as such, I can't decide to hide or be undercover as a Christian. Sure, the tattoo won't be showing at all times, but it will always be there. A mark of devotion.

I didn't want it to be a big, Bible-thumping John 3:16 cross tattoo (that is NOT me), which is why it's as simple as it is. No hiding under a bushel, but no pushing it in people's faces. I was drawn to the Celtic cross because of the connection between Celtic Christianity and creation, and the circle calling forth images of the Earth, eternity, unbroken love... all of that wonderufl symbolic stuff, and then I realized that is the cross in Anderson Auditorium. A very basic Celtic cross. That sealed the deal for me, because it is also very representative of this summer.

If there is ever a time that I regret the reasons for getting the tattoo, I think I'll have bigger issues to sort out than the fact that I have the tattoo.