Sometimes I am so overwhelmed with gratitude for the people in my life. Sometimes I worry that people think I'm sucking up to them when I make multiple attempts to try to express it, but it's not that. It's a genuine attempt to express that which is bursting out from me. Right out of my sternum. I used to write letters. In 8th grade, we wrote letters to one or two of our teachers as part of Teacher Appreciation Week. In high school, Jessie and I started the tradition of "Make-Seniors-Cry" letters. We'd write letters to the graduating musical theater seniors about how much we looked up to them. We continued writing these throughout all of high school, and I found myself again penning letters to teachers about how much impact they've had on me, and how grateful I am. (One teacher got two letters, and I still don't feel like I've fully expressed my gratitude.)
My letter-writing tended to stop after high school (though the first year voice and speech teachers almost got one), partially because of the nature of the relationships changing, and partially because I am having an increasingly hard time putting this feeling into words. I like words. I like language. I like speech. (Obviously.) But they are not enough. I don't know what is. It is like molten gold bubbling out of my chest. I physically spaz when I'm very excited, I'll leap around because it is too much to keep in.
So I don't know how to express it. I don't know how to tell you what you mean to me. There is not language strong enough or colors bright enough. But I will constantly try. Right now I'm so grateful it almost hurts. (Or, so grateful that I'm going to have to start working on a COW piece to try to let some of it out.) But this is the kind of dilemma that's good to have. I'd rather be bursting with gratitude and love and joy than anything else.
I love you.
Thank you.
My cup overflows.
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