I Miss New York

Exactly two months ago, I arrived in Montreat. Now I can finally say, "I miss New York." Not badly, not achingly, not exceedingly, but in the way that I will be very happy to go back to it when it's time.

Rough morning of keynote rehearsal. This afternoon was a significant improvement, which is always encouraging. I'm monitoring my emotional state closely - I'm feeling the beginnings of a depressive episode coming on (I've been writing poetry and listening to certain songs from the revue Songs for a New World that are generally not healthy for me to listen to repeatedly). But, push through to the resurrection.

If we can get it working, we're pulling a bit of a NYTW Misanthrope for Monday keynote. NYTW's production of The Misanthrope by Moliere included live video camera footage on a giant screen upstage. (In one climactic scene, the characters ran outside, followed by a camera man, and proceeded to do the scene on E. 4th St, all of us in the theatre watching on the screen. Occasionally the random passerby would pass by in view of the camera, confused at this dramatic argument in heightened text.) Wanting a more intimate feel than Anderson Auditorium can provide, the planning team wants to do a live feed of the scene happening onstage to go on the video screen. The woman running this started to explain the artistic reasons for this to me on headset. I felt, a little bit, like I was back in a design meeting. It made me chuckle. It's a good thing this is happening in the final Youth conferences, instead of the first, because the first one was too close to my last semester for me to be able to discuss the artistic integrity of anything.

There was also a bit of a blocking rehearsal I was down in the main Aud for (not in the sound booth), and my stage composition part of my brain, which has been asleep for a loooong time, started waking up again. (And I do mean a long time. Last year was NOT a good year for Colleen and composition. Which is silly, because I've been obsessed with composition and semiotics and chairs since my junior year of high school. Last year was a blip on my compositional record. I did not use the 4C method. Shame on me.) Omega has the potential to be a very theatre-based youth conference.

The idea of going back to New York still makes me a little bit anxious, to be sure. I'm very used to anxiety and stress when I'm there. But if I can keep the peace and stillness, it should be wonderful. Classes next year are still a bit up-in-the-air... but I'm holding out and hoping that I can be in a voice and speech class (which is the difficult one for me to get into because of how things are structured) and a laboratory class. Lab classes are some of our most specific classes, taught by a teacher whose energy and approach is refreshing, and who I want to get to know better. I also feel like the changes that have taken place within me, particularly energy-wise, would be very well suited to Lab.

We got the live feed working! Yay Misanthrope!

Life moves on. If a depressive episdoe is coming along, I'll keep moving through it. If it isn't, yay! No matter what, I'm so grateful for the people in my life. There are a lot of good people. I'm blessed.