Guilt is a selfish emotion.
Had not thought about this before. Not going to expand too much on it because I don't think it needs it. Guilt is, perhaps, a step above ignorance and indifference, because it's an acknowledgement of what you have or have not done, but it's selfish because it's still not taking action. You can sit around feeling guilty all you want, that doesn't change anything.
Life is good. Settling in. Found my footing, which is nice. Vastly overcommitted, which is actually the best thing I can be because it makes it so I don't have time to freak out too much and be afraid and avoid making choices. It's go go go and that's fabulous for me creatively. Finding it very strange that I lived in Africa for 4 months. Saw a bunch of my Ghana friends last night, and it was surreal talking to them. Particularly to my roommate, who'd heard me talk about PHTS and theater and the people I missed so much while we were in Ghana... because now I was talking to her about how I'm at PHTS all the time again or say, "yeah, when so-and-so and I were talking today," instead of "oh my gosh I just got an email from so-and-so who I haven't heard from in ages I miss them!" Bizarre to have been away. Bizarre to be back. I don't think either of those things will ever go away and that's okay.
Today was a turning point and I don't even really know what sparked it. Good classes (particularly inspiring Producing class, and I didn't know Producing classes were allowed to be inspiring), good rehearsals. I guess God was polite and waited for me to get my feet relatively planted before throwing anything at me (which He did today). Good to hear His voice again, though. Always.
I am sincerely moved by the responses I got to my last blog, both electronically and in person. If there's any thought I have that can be of use to someone else, that's a blessing.
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