Happy and blest

Yes. Yes, okay, yes, it's post 1am and I am still awake and blogging. Yes, yes, my day went from 9am - midnight today with two 30 minute breaks. Yes, I'm working on six shows even though I said I wouldn't (though I maintain that the sixth show is very different, because it is. It's significantly later and involves tech stuff I haven't done since this summer and I miss). But this year is much different than last year. Tonight, I walked home grinning like a maniac because the two rehearsals I had this evening were phenomenal. I work with the most inspiring people. Truly. They are great blessings in my life. The conviction that my life and work are God's to use to mold me and those around me keeps me refreshed.

The fear I experience almost constantly scraping at my stomach is from a lack of obedience. The suffering and humiliation that I experience are molding me into a more perfect vessel. It is often very, very hard to endure, and I don't suffer well, but I am working on it. Becoming obsessed with saints and suffering, of course... but starting to understand that obedience is more important.

"I remember some time ago a very big group of professors came from the United States and they asked, 'Tell us something that will help us.' And I said, 'Smile at each other.' I must have said it in a very serious way, I suppose, and so one of them asked me, 'Are you married?' And I said, 'Yes, and I sometimes find it very difficult to smile at Jesus because He can be very demanding.'" - Mother Teresa

He's the most demanding, actually, but that's another post for another time.

Even in the rough patches, which are more frequent than I'd like them to be, I do have the assurance of God even when I slip so far from what He has revealed to me. That makes this year so much different than the last. He has surrounded me by people who expand everything I ever thought I knew, and that's beauty.

Also, I got to use a chop saw today for the first time since my many years on high school set construction crew. I missed it!