I am what I am.

Today (well, technically yesterday, as of the posting of this blog at around 1am), is National Coming Out Day. What I've come on the blog to say today, finally, is something that some people have known for a long time now, some people have probably suspected, and some people have no idea about: I am bisexual.

I have known this for a very long time. I remember being confused in elementary school because I knew there was straight and I knew there was gay but I didn't know there was anything in between, and I knew I like both genders. It was around seventh grade when I learned bisexuality existed, and I came out to my friends shortly thereafter. My parents a bit later (they were great about it). I went to an arts high school, and just started out of the closet there and there was no problem. By the time I got to NYU… well, I was in NYU Drama, probably the most LGBT-friendly place in the country. The place where this has been the most tricky is at church.

I have been lucky as far as my church and issues of sexuality. Bon Air UMC, my church in Virginia, has always been really good about talking about the issue, especially when it has come up as an issue for the denomination-wide General Assembly. Being able to talk about things like this is key to moving forward as a church, as a society, and as a faith. Being able to listen to other people's points of view, having a safe space to raise questions (this goes for both sides… it irks me to no end when "liberals" refuse to listen to points made by "conservatives" as well as the other way around). I came out to a good amount of my youth group on one trip to Lake Junaluska for Music and Arts Week years ago, and instead of shying away, they attacked me with questions about my girlfriend with great enthusiasm, the same way they would have attacked me with questions about a boyfriend.

I know the scriptures. Trust me, I know all of the scriptural arguments and can counter them with other scriptural arguments like a trained swordfighter. (It's been the same arguments for ten years of my life.) What I can say from my point of view is that, nope, this isn't a choice, if it was a choice, I would have made an easier one, growing up in the South. I am attracted to who I am attracted to. Gender is secondary. (I am the least concerned about gender of everyone I know. Lots of artists are very into gender as theme or a major part of their work. I am not. People will say, "This is CLEARLY about the gender politics of.." and I will have had no thought of that. Down to me often looking androgynous.) And I cannot, for the life of me, believe that a loving God would condemn me for something that is natural.

What disturbs me greatly is the fact that many people who are not heterosexual are blocked out of the church. We have been met with hostility, with quotations of fire and brimstone. The messages towards non-heterosexuals as a whole have not been messages of Christ's love--not the Christ who would eat with the prostitutes, not the Christ who would save a woman from being stoned. Not the Christ who preached of loving others instead of condemning them. If there is one thing that Christ teaches, is that is God's love is for all people, and that we are called to love everyone. Period.

The sad fact is that the message of THE CHURCH as a whole is so negative while I know that this is NOT how every church or every Christian functions. I went to a Baptist church in Ithaca that had recently officiated a gay wedding and said a particular prayer that day for the coming of the day when all God's children would be accepted and affirmed in all churches. There IS a place in churches for us, but it's often so hard to find it. And the toll on that for people who desperately want to be connected, involved, who are looking to be more alive in their faith is actually tremendous. Friends have often sent their confused, non-hetereosexual Christian friends to me to help talk out their confusion, and it's tragic that people feel like they are cast out, not just from the church, but from the entire Kingdom of God, for something that is out of their control. This talk of "curing" homosexuality is absurd. You can "cure" anything, you can deny something that's natural all you want but that's not doing anything except suppressing something that makes you, you. Instead of celebrating the life God has given you, you spend your time denying it and living a lie--and THAT is the sin. I am tired of watching people destroy themselves, be it by denying a part of them or by believing that who they are is unworthy or considered disgusting--for the faith that I love so much.

I am deeply devoted to my faith. (To the point where I specifically did not date for a a good while because I was instead using that energy to further my relationship with God.) Now, I am also dating an incredible woman who has done so much for my faith and helped me further understand the nature of God. I am a Christian, and I am bisexual, and it's sad that people think that's an impossible combination. I am posting this not as a cathartic moment for me. Coming out is always a process--especially where I'm from, you're straight until proven gay, so despite the romanticism that surrounds "coming out of the closet! living freely!", it's a constant, lifelong process. I am posting this today to say, by example, that it IS possible to be a Christian, to be involved in the church, and not be heterosexual.

If there is going to be any change, churches are going to have to be outspokenly accepting and affirming. With the reputation of the church as far as this issue goes, it is not enough to be quietly welcoming, or have a "don't ask, don't tell" policy. (I've even had hesitancies in admitting my sexuality to those from my churches, and I come from very open and accepting backgrounds, unlike many.) It is, in fact, we in the church who are responsible for sharing God's love. It's a light we cannot hide under a bushel just because they have a lifestyle we are uncomfortable with. That wasn't something Christ ever allowed himself, and he doesn't let us off the hook, either.

If anyone has any questions or wants to talk about issues of faith and sexuality (from any angle), please let me know and I'd be happy to talk. This is not an issue that's going to be resolved any time soon... so let's just start talking, because communication is the only we're going to get anywhere.