Domine ad adjuvandum me festina

(oh my gosh two blogs in less than 12 hours?! I must be making up for that absurdly long time with no blog earlier this month!)

I go back to school today. I have extremely mixed feelings about this and I've never had mixed feelings about this before and that disturbs me. I'm back in New York and still terribly confused and feeling like I'll never readjust. I know I'll walk into PHTS this morning and suddenly feel my chest fill with the happiness that inevitably comes when I enter that building (I walked into that place the other week and saw a folding chair in 4A and almost cried from joy... ...this might be sad...), but right now I'm antsy but excited but filled with dread but chomping at the bit to go. (This transition? EXACTLY like Fitzmaurice voice work. Really good for you but you want to scream when it's happening.)

Anyway. I'll report back on that after this week. Some important things involving a depressing lack of curiosity in the world (or maybe just New York City) and Psalm 27, but later.

For now, I just finished my morning prayer ritual. This is part of the way I keep my grounding during the busy PHTS semester - morning and evening prayer. I've cobbled together a series of prayers, psalms, various traditions (mostly from the Book of Common Prayer), and one prayer that I wrote myself. This is my third semester praying this specific prayer every day. And it occured to me that it might be of interest. So, here you go:

As I rise to begin this day, I do so as a scared, imperfect child. Already, I am entrenched in sin, in arrogance, in self-loathing, in fear, in self-centeredness, but you embrace me as your own. Be with me, Lord God, as I move through this day. Order my steps in your word. Help me to see you in every person, place, and situation. Inspire the entergy in me to be fully present and open towards others. Help me see every interaction as an opportunity to share your love. Push me past my fear, for there is joy in the morning. Teach me to see the resurrected Christ in each moment.

As I journey forth into this new day, be in my thought, my heart, my body, my breath, and my voice. Keep me humble so that I may know that my sole purpose is to serve you and the world through you. Use my selfishness for your purposes. Do your work through my sin, but push me to be a more perfect child in you. Guide my decisions in your will. Keep me from squandering my time and energy.

Bless all who I meet today; those I have known, and those I will never know. Mold me with them so we can create a community of intimacy and love where you are glimpsed in every glance. Guide us as we work towards establishing your kingdom on earth. Give us grace to behold you, present in your Word and Sacraments, and to recognize you in the lives of those around us. Stir up in us the flame of love which burned in the heart of your Son as he bore his Passion, and let it burn in us to eternal life, and to the ages of ages.

Above all, inspire me to live with the joy that befits your child, servant, handmaiden. May my step be light and my voice be free to sing your praises to the world without end.